Who am I?

i learnt to have ideal dreams and hopes and seek them!!

this is what i learnt !

and by default i learnt to not accet what am i doing right now hoping to have better life..

so instead of living every moment in my life, i started to be always seeking to he next different step!

before high school ii waited for high school 

in high school i waited for college.

in college i tried to change my college once and another time i tried to change the university..

but i didnt, so i waited to graduate as for sure after my graduation my life will change dramatically. and guess what it didnt.

i got a good job, but this what i tried to do, i tried to change my company one time and anther time i only thought about changing my career, and finally i thought about immigration..

i has never been determinant, i look at those who just flow in their lives with constant speed and i am amazed, how can they do anything like that..

i thought about myself being different or unique in anything, but these days had proved that i am very normal guy.

last week was one of my best friends wedding..

this is when i started realizing that i am the normal normal normal normal (if not less than normal) guy.

i want to be a writer, although my writings are not good, it is less than normal.

ana ensan (i am just a human being)..

one before have said a hard sentence to me, but it was prophetic, he said to me: "enta zay el 2ar3 yebos lebara."

which means: you always look that the outer is better, u are not interested in where yoou are and whom you are with, rather than looking outside..

thats right, 

I am who i am, not better as i should be, why shouldnt i relax and live a day by itself.

"dont care about tom" Jesus said "as tomorrow cares about itself, wnough to take care about the evil of the day"

how wise this human been was.

even when a girl loved me, she lovd me so much, but instead of loving her back and being grateful that i am a beloved persson to someone.

no, i looked outside, i wished better, as i thought i deservee better, 

now i understood the truth, i dnt deserve the love i had from her. 

she is a lovely angel and i am a greedy unthankful person!!!

it is this moment of truth,  when you just analyze everything in your life with two new inputs...

it feels like being awakened from delusions.

delusions i cheated myself with..

i am not ideal. 

and i love being not ideal.